*click here for the other 31 days*
I came to paradise with just my husband and a belly that looked like I was smuggling a basketball. (at least that's what all the stewardesses kept telling me) I was 32 weeks pregnant, we had no home, and I had left behind the people that gave me my sense of security. James and I had been married less than a year. Even though I loved and trusted him we lacked the deep security and intimacy only time together can bring. I was insecure and afraid.
But God provided. What I was told could take weeks took days. We had a house! Not only that, but because we only had (almost) one baby, we were only eligible for a two bedroom. God apparently pulled some strings because we ended up with three bedrooms. A beautiful home that I love. Space for us and guests, for toddlers to run and room to store the outgrown baby items. He also provided an opportunity for my mom to come stay with us when Josie was born. My mother was there the day I became a mother. Most importantly though, with no one else to lean on, my husband and I became a team. We learned to parent, for the most part, on our own. While advice was only a phone call away unfortunately babysitters were not. We didn't have much opportunity for escape when parenting got tough. Being away from family took our crutches away and made us stand on our own feet. I am so thankful for that now.
Over the next few years some things got easier, others did not. I felt confident that God provides, I felt confident in my husband. However, I didn't have friends. Growing up in the same area my whole life I never had to find friends. I made friends all the time, they just found me. Making friends for an introvert is incredibly hard. Joining clubs, taking a class.. those things make me incredibly anxious.
On top of that, it was really hard to go out. There isn't a ton to do here in "paradise". The beaches are beautiful, but I don't like to take my pale little babies out in the sun and heat for very long. Taking Josie to the movies ended in disaster. Eating out was more stress than it was worth. We shopped too much and spent too much money the first year we were here. Even crafting is hard to do with little hands around. I felt bored and lonely.
But God provided. First of all, because of my loneliness, my relationship with my husband has grown leaps and bounds. He is truly my very best friend. Then when Josie was two months old I met my BFF, Lydia. Her son is just a year older than Josie. About 4 months after I found out I was pregnant with Delilah, she found out she was pregnant with her second son. She loves crafting and shopping and one of her favorite foods are chimichangas. We are a friend match made in heaven. He also brought me great neighbors and friends to spend the holidays with. God knew exactly what I needed. He also used my loneliness and boredom to draw me closer to himself. I've read through my bible, read books, & read blogs. I've cried out to God in my loneliness. I've praised God for my blessings. I have a better friendship with my Savior now than I ever did before.
God took a season of loneliness and turned it into a season of creating forever relationships. He took a season of boredom and gave me the time to devote to Him.
If I had tons of friends, would I have been able to focus my energy on the people that he most wanted me to?
Whatever you're going through, know that nothing lasts forever. Whatever season of life you're in, embrace it.
*linking up with Women Living Well*
I talked a little about embracing the season back when I was sharing our family mission statement. I hadn't planned on talking about it anymore but I can't shake the feeling that there's still someone out there that needs to hear more of my heart on the subject.
I mentioned before that living in Hawaii has been a real season of loneliness for me. I grew up in Virginia Beach, I went to the same church for 13+ years, I had the same wonderful friends all my life, I spent every holiday with my loved ones. When I was 20 I married my best friend. I was happy and comfortable, surrounded by the familiar. Surrounded by hugs and reassurance in every aspect of my life.
Then I moved to "paradise".
Note: Please don't hear this as complaining. I feel very blessed in every aspect of my life. I just want to be transparent with you. Blessed does not mean perfect.
I mentioned before that living in Hawaii has been a real season of loneliness for me. I grew up in Virginia Beach, I went to the same church for 13+ years, I had the same wonderful friends all my life, I spent every holiday with my loved ones. When I was 20 I married my best friend. I was happy and comfortable, surrounded by the familiar. Surrounded by hugs and reassurance in every aspect of my life.
Then I moved to "paradise".
Note: Please don't hear this as complaining. I feel very blessed in every aspect of my life. I just want to be transparent with you. Blessed does not mean perfect.
I came to paradise with just my husband and a belly that looked like I was smuggling a basketball. (at least that's what all the stewardesses kept telling me) I was 32 weeks pregnant, we had no home, and I had left behind the people that gave me my sense of security. James and I had been married less than a year. Even though I loved and trusted him we lacked the deep security and intimacy only time together can bring. I was insecure and afraid.
But God provided. What I was told could take weeks took days. We had a house! Not only that, but because we only had (almost) one baby, we were only eligible for a two bedroom. God apparently pulled some strings because we ended up with three bedrooms. A beautiful home that I love. Space for us and guests, for toddlers to run and room to store the outgrown baby items. He also provided an opportunity for my mom to come stay with us when Josie was born. My mother was there the day I became a mother. Most importantly though, with no one else to lean on, my husband and I became a team. We learned to parent, for the most part, on our own. While advice was only a phone call away unfortunately babysitters were not. We didn't have much opportunity for escape when parenting got tough. Being away from family took our crutches away and made us stand on our own feet. I am so thankful for that now.
God took a season of fear and turned it into a season of knowing I could count on him. He took my season of insecurity and showed me that in Him and my husband, I can rest and feel secure. He took a season of being away from family and taught us how to raise our own.
Over the next few years some things got easier, others did not. I felt confident that God provides, I felt confident in my husband. However, I didn't have friends. Growing up in the same area my whole life I never had to find friends. I made friends all the time, they just found me. Making friends for an introvert is incredibly hard. Joining clubs, taking a class.. those things make me incredibly anxious.
On top of that, it was really hard to go out. There isn't a ton to do here in "paradise". The beaches are beautiful, but I don't like to take my pale little babies out in the sun and heat for very long. Taking Josie to the movies ended in disaster. Eating out was more stress than it was worth. We shopped too much and spent too much money the first year we were here. Even crafting is hard to do with little hands around. I felt bored and lonely.
But God provided. First of all, because of my loneliness, my relationship with my husband has grown leaps and bounds. He is truly my very best friend. Then when Josie was two months old I met my BFF, Lydia. Her son is just a year older than Josie. About 4 months after I found out I was pregnant with Delilah, she found out she was pregnant with her second son. She loves crafting and shopping and one of her favorite foods are chimichangas. We are a friend match made in heaven. He also brought me great neighbors and friends to spend the holidays with. God knew exactly what I needed. He also used my loneliness and boredom to draw me closer to himself. I've read through my bible, read books, & read blogs. I've cried out to God in my loneliness. I've praised God for my blessings. I have a better friendship with my Savior now than I ever did before.
God took a season of loneliness and turned it into a season of creating forever relationships. He took a season of boredom and gave me the time to devote to Him.
If I had tons of friends, would I have been able to focus my energy on the people that he most wanted me to?
Everything in life is a season. It all ends. The good ends, the bad ends.. then it all begins again.
Lydia and her boys are staying with us for a couple of months. It's a season of loud and a season of lots of snuggles. It's a season of way too many tantrums and so many giggles. It's a season of the dishes always being dirty and its a season of baking cookies and learning to make new meals. Its a season where introverts never get a chance to be alone and having slumber parties with your best friend every night.
Whatever you're going through, know that nothing lasts forever. Whatever season of life you're in, embrace it.
*linking up with Women Living Well*
I can relate to this a lot! We have never been anywhere near family and always been on our own. It has made me feel bad for my friends who talk about always wanting to schedule times to get out and leave the kids with a loved one. They don't seem to appreciate the joys of being "stuck" and having loads of family time and becoming skilled at making it all work out :) Haha I feel like a pretty competent mom after everything I've had to learn to do on my own with two kids! We aren't the people who spend tons of time out and about or busy with friends, but (in my opinion) I have a much deeper relationship with my kids than many of the moms I know. And I have become good at just staying home and enjoying them :) In fact, I love doing that! I don't often hear moms talk about how much they love getting on the floor and building block castles or just sitting and reading books. But those are my favorite parts of being a mom, and quite honestly I don't think I would have ever realized or appreciated that if I always had family near by to make things easier :) God always knows what he is doing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Angela! You're right, reading & block building memories are priceless. I have definitely learned to slow down and enjoy my time with my girls. Glad you could relate!
DeleteThank you for revisiting this!
ReplyDeletereally hits home